And then he was teen....

Oh my goodness.  Who took my child and made him a teenager?  I am pretty sure I was just a teen myself and am surely NOT old enough to have birthed a child who is now a teen.  Yiekity Yiek Yiek Yieks!  So in the last two weeks said teen has...gotten a Facebook account, gotten a cell phone, run wild with his friends at the football game, shopped at Aeropostle , needed oxy clean for zits, started algebra...the list goes on.  My sweet, sweet baby boy...the one who changed my world in so many wonderful ways.  He is still wonderful.  Still responsible and sweet and truly a friend to me.  He is the perfect mix of his dad and I and brings strength to all those qualities.  I pray the teen years are good to him, because wow, what a great kid!

Still Alive and Kicking

I am still alive.  I know I sort of missed most of summer.  It really has been a wonderful whirlwind of fun and craziness.  I have written a million blog posts in my mind, but not so many here.  Life's pace has picked up considerably and it is great, but nuts.  So here it is in a nut shell:

Summer was good.  Great lake time with both sides of the family.  Time with my family of origin, by myself in Seattle, for my nephews most amazing baptism.  Hail storms and new roofs, carpenter ants and a garage demo, cleaning and purging and lawn mowing, minimal garden tending, children chasing, pool swimming, fire-fly watching, boat riding, water-ski-coaching all in all a good time.

The kids are all launched back into the fall routine.  Thank the Lord!  Good teachers for everyone.  Can't quite believe I have a Jr. Higher...wow.  Meron is in full time daycare and loving it.  She loves hanging out at "Beff's" house (Beth!) and has even started taking naps again.  WOW!  This weekend we will celebrate her 2 year Family day.  2 years ago, we were picking her up in Ethiopia.  It feels like a lifetime ago.

And then there is ME.  Yes ME!  I found ME again and it is wonderful!  For the first time in more years than I can count, I am remembering who I am.  Not mom, not wife, not maid, not cook but me.  I LOVE my new job and the people I have met and gotten to work with.  I love using my brain and going to work, by myself.  I love creating and thinking, and hanging out with my youth group kids.  It really is wonderful and I am loving getting to know me again.  I missed her!

So there ya go.  Life is good, kids are good, I am good.  :)  God is GOOD!

The Lake

I'm pretty sure heaven is a lake in MN, with the loons singing, children laughing, and a comfy floaty, riding the waves, sipping a diet coke, sunshine kissing my cheeks.  We are at the lake.  This is the first of three weeks at various MN lakes for me.  This week with E's family, next week with kids from church, and the next week with my family of origin.  I can't imagine a better way to enjoy life. Miss sunshine loves the lake this year.  She mostly loves the boat and asked several time today..."we go in the boat and go bumpy bump fast and I will go Yipee!!"  She is hillarious.  She loves fish and enjoyed holding worms and sunnies.  Such fun.  J-dog now has his boat license so he can drive...pretty proud.   And Z and  B are thriving on the sun and the sand.  I LOVE THE LAKE!!

One Week In

Well, one week under my belt.  What a good week it was.  Spent most of the week cleaning the office, sorting files, trying to make it home...since I hope to spend many happy hours there.   I woke up this morning feeling so peaceful.  What a wonderful feeling.  To know all is okay, to be happy, to be satisfied!  Still having a little trouble relenquishing full control at home, but so far so good.  The kids had a great first week off.  There was a little too much rain, but other than that, it was good.  I think the summer will fly by.  Here are a couple of office pics...still no desk, so it is a little makeshift at the moment!

Now it's off to make a plan for Saturday.  It's raining cats and dogs...so we will see what transpires. 

"NO! I non't wan tooooo"

Hard to believe such a sweet little face could scream this at the top of her lungs.  But drive by on any given day at any given time, and there is a strong chance that this is what you will hear!  We hear it loud and soft, whiney and defiant, with tears and without, in full tantrum mode and with a laugh behind it.  Ahh yes, we have entered that lovely stage between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2.  This is the ONLY stage so far in raising all of the kids that I honestly wonder whose child they are and why I ever thought I was a good mother.   They are caught between big and little, wanting to do so much, but not wanting to grow too fast.  It could be a long summer.  At least all the brothers are home to take turns with her.  I made the silly mistake of taking them all to the mall with me today.  What ever was I thinking.  I love to shop with my kids, one at a time or maybe even two at a time, but all four? That is a ticket straight to the psyche ward! We must have made quite a sight for other mall goers.  A stroller being pushed rather haphazardly by a distracted 7 year old, a slightly whiney 10 year old, a 12 year old who kept trying to catch his reflection in the store windows and a little sprite of a 2 3/4 yr old weaving in and out, singing the "no, no, no song"  Ahh what an adventure.  Target will never be the same.  

I start my new job in the morning.  I can't wait.  I am a little nervous, but mostly just really excited.  I haven't worked full time in 12 years.  I haven't gotten this nice of a paycheck either!  It will be wonderful.  The kids and I were talking about the changes and I told them that it wouldn't change that much for them....just that they would have a happier mom.  That will make all the difference.  To finally have the chance to do something I love, that makes a difference to others is a great feeling.

Must head to bed...gotta get up and go to work after all.  I will hope to post pics of my office makeover, and settling in over the next few days!

Pictures~

Mama got a new camera and boy is she having fun with it!!  Here is a little peek....

I love capturing these adorable faces~  Now if I can just figure out how to get them to upload quicker!!

Two Years

Two years ago today, I first laid eyes on my daughter's face.  She was perfect, and tiny, and looked so lost and sad.  I longed to hold her, to hear her laugh, and to feel her in my arms.  Tonight, we spent the evening watering flowers in the yard.  She laughed, she ran, she danced, she said "mama I luv you", and my heart was full to over-flowing.  I still can't believe that this amazing child, with the dimpled smile, perfect curls, and beautiful voice is my daughter.  What a humble blessing to be the one to hear her laugh, share in her smiles, and return her sticky kisses.  It is so very bittersweet.  I love this child heart and soul, and I know there is a family on the other side of the world who would give anything to know the wonderful little girl she has become.  So on this referral-versary, I pray that God gives them peace in their hearts.  Peace in knowing she is thriving, and happy, and so incredibly loved. 

Happy

I am.  Happy that is.  It is a pretty wonderful feeling.  Here's why:

The little black cloud over my head blew away.

Heard James Taylor and Carole King in concert last night...wow!

 Planted my gardens and cleaned my front porch.

 Summer is almost here. 

I have a job I can't wait to start.

I got to paint Meron's toes pink while sipping lemonade on the porch.
 
 Today I get coffee with a girlfiend

Another girlfriend is picking up her sons in Ethiopia soon.

I am blessed and God is good.

T.A.D.

My mother in law coined this perfect phrase....Turn Around Day.  That is what yesterday was.  In the morning, I said goodbye to my preschoolers, closed the final chapter of my failed business and created scenarios in my mind of 1 million different what if's.  By 8:30 last night, I had a new job, a salary, an office, and the need for someone to pinch me.   This feels like the biggest cosmic do-over ever.  The tunnel has been so long and dark for such a long time, that finally emerging into the light is taking a little adjusting!  Or maybe a lot of adjusting.  I feel like I have maybe finally come into my authentic self...or at least gotten much closer to the center!  It is all so much of a wow.

Faith is a funny thing.  All along, I have trusted that God had a plan.  From the moment I felt the call to ministry, God has put things in place that, while not easy,  have gotten me to where I longed to be.  And yet, while I trusted,  when I let MY mind and MY need for control take over, I was met with huge doubts and frustrations galore.  I think that was God's way of saying shut up and trust child.  I am in charge, we'll get there together.  And here we are, arriving at this call together.  My faith in God is steadfast and  my faith in myself is being restored. 

So June 8th, I begin this new path.  Changes will have to happen at home, a little sharing of duties, streamlining of routines.  But mama will be happy.  And when mama is happy, everyone is happy. And everyone is breathing a huge sigh of relief, and everyone is dancing in the glory of God! 

And so it begins....

What a wonderful weekend. Just coming off the musical Children's Letters to God at church.  I was the vocal director and it was wonderful.  I missed doing theatre soo much!  We had a cast of about 35 8-18 year olds.  What a blessing they all were.  J-dog had a leading role and was amazing, I was so proud.  Z-man had several parts and rocked everyone of them. (and B was a superstar usher!!)  It was an exhausting, uplifting, wonderful weekend.  And now the week begins.

This week is looking very much like the last chapter of a really well written novel, where all the ends get tied up and  the heroine emerges a better person who has grown and changed and truly come into herself.  At least that is how I would like to write this week. 

Tomorrow begins the end of the preschool year.  We will "graduate" 26 cherubs tomorrow and 20 on Tuesday.  Then it's class picnics and goodbyes.  I. am.so.ready!  I am not sure whether I will be back in the fall.  It really does feel like the last chapter.

 Tomorrow night, I interview.   For the job that makes me feel the most like me.  For the job that 2 years ago, over coffee with great girlfriends, I tearfully said, I would give up the shop in a heartbeat to be back in that position.  And the job I now find myself an interview away from. 

There are a few other ends that will hopefully find resolution this week.   Ends that I would not have chosen along my path, nor am proud of, but experiences that have taught me a lot about the cost of dreaming, the strength of my character, and made me appreciate all that I do have.  Not going to say anymore, except that some of life's lessons are bitter pills to swallow, but God always has your back and things are better on the other side.

So it is a weeks of endings and hopefully beginnings.  I am so ready to start a new ride, in a new direction.  May it be so!

I Really Am Still Alive

Don't faint dead away.  Yes, this is a new post from me...I am alive.  Lets just say it's been a very long winter and a very long many months for that matter.  Lots of soul searching, deciding who I want to be, where I want to be etc.   Lots of financial issues from a failed business, lots of baggage of both the emotional and"stuff" kind from a failed business...so the last several months have been all about trying to keep my head above water.

In March, I fell and broke my elbow and ended up with surgery and a long recovery.  I must say that the 10 minutes I have gotten to spend twice a week, laying in the PT's office, in total peace and quiet with a heat pack on my elbow have begun to cure what ailed me.  God and I have had a few chats, I have had a few chats with myself, and as spring is blossoming, I finally feel like I might be seeing a little light at the end of this long tunnel.

The kids are all doing well.  Thriving really.  Miss Sassy is amazing.  I can't believe it have only been a year and a half since she came to our family.  She is our sunshine and I can't imagine life without her.  She is quite the little mother.  Lots of babies, snuggling etc.  True joy.  J-dog is just big.  Tall, lanky, and amazing.  Love hanging out with him and watching him come into his own.  Z-man is doing pretty good.  Getting more and more comfortable in his own skin.  If all the people had even as ounce of the compassion and empathy he carries in his young soul, the world would be a better place!  B just continues to hammer on through life!  Exhuberant doesn't begin to describe him.  He keeps us laughing that one.

As for me, I have a job interview sometime in the next few weeks for my dream job.  I am guardedly excited.  A little once bitten, twice shy.  But excited...the possibilities are soo exciting.

So that is life in a nutshell.  I really am going to try and start writing more again.  It is good for my soul!

Just plain sad

The news out of Haiti is so sad.  We have shirt-tail connections to people who have lost loved ones.  It is hard to sit in my house, with all my family accounted for, and even grasp what it must be like on the ground in Haiti.  I don't think we can fathom the depths of the loss or the need.  As the kids and I were getting breakfast and lunches and launching for the day, we had the Today show on.  It was a teachable moment.  A sad moment to remind my bickering, chaotic kids that we are blessed, and that we are called to help.

I am struggling with pushing the kids to help.  We have a local branch of Kids Against Hunger here in town and they are packaging food round the clock right now.  The kids suggested going and helping as a family.  We will head there after school tomorrow.  They are requesting those that come to package also bring some sort of a donation.  I REALLY want the kids to think up donating some of their money on their own.  I REALLY don't want to push them into doing it, but I also think it is something they will remember for the rest of their lives, and hopefully at this young age, will plant the seeds of our truly global family.  Because we truly are a global family.  Whether it is someone in our own community that needs help, or an ocean away in Ethiopia or Haiti, we are a global family.

Do what you can, with what you have, to spread God's Word, Share God's Love, and Help your global Sisters and Brothers.

It's Too Da** Cold!

Okay, yes, I did choose to live in this frozen tundra.  Nothing beats a warm summer evening, sitting in the boat at sunset, listening to the loons.  Everything beats -50 wind chill, 20+ inches of snow, and ice so thick I want to put skates on the mini van.  But I guess I have to deal with one to relish the other.

It really is damn cold here right now.  The poor puppy, who still needs some house-training work, looks at me like I have lost my mind as I shove her tush quickly out the door.  She is repaying me by leaving little presents all over the house.  Poor puppers.  (invest in Kids and Pets stock if you are looking for a sure thing...we are buying tons of it right now)

They say it is going to thaw soon.  It's going to get to a whopping 30.  Might be time to break out the shorts. 

I am feeling a little chilly on the job front as well.  Church has not posted the application for the job I am hoping to apply for.  I have never wanted a job so bad in my life.  I want it so bad I almost get a physical reaction when I think about it.  I feel so called to this job, and looking back, feel like God has led me to this point.  But this is where I struggle.  How much of this is me listening to God's call and how much of it is me following my own desires?  I really do think this is a calling, but if this doesn't pan out the way I am hoping, I will be at a loss.  Preschool teacher's aide is doing me in!!

The kids are all doing fine, albeit a little cagey given the weather.  They got out of school early yesterday and started late today, due to the mighty fine weather.  I guess it has a few perks!  The tween turns 12 next week.  That will be a blog post all on it's own.  The princess has decided she is cute enough and doesn't need any beauty sleep...it's wrecking havoc on my beauty!  Her favoritie place to sleep right now is in between mom and dad, touching both of us.  Makes for a long night.  I do recall her brothers all doing this about this age...and they all sleep pretty well now, so we are holding out hope!

Well, time to send a princess to the tub, and hope for a little warm sleep later in the evening.  As the boys around here say...
Peace out!

Hello 2010!

Well hello 2010!  I am so very glad to see you!  You see 2009 was not my friend.  In fact, 2009 was one of those years I hope to soon forget!  So 2010, I just want to set a few ground rules for ya as you come to play in our sandbox...

1. Unexpected surprises are allowed and encouraged, IF they are GOOD surprises.
2. Between you and me, we need to figure out what I am going to be when I grow up, and the sooner the better.
3. I learned enough about patience last year and the year before.  It has been determined it is a lesson I won't learn, so don't even try.
4. In year's past, my children have gone through 6 month cycles (good behavior/bad behavior) 2010 is a 12 month cycle of great behavior! (just so you know)
5.  Financial issues go hand in hand with the surprise rule.  Allowed and encouraged only if they are windfalls.
6.The goal this year is to be happy.  Please work toward this goal at all times.
7. It looks as though tween-dome, potty training, and puppy training are all on the docket this year.  Again, good surprises welcomed and encouraged.
8. If you would like to be a year to be remembered, play nice, follow the rules, don't flex your muscles.
9. An early spring, a warm summer, and long fall, and a snowy Christmas would be appreciated.
10. We can be good friends, if you follow these rules, share the toys in the sandbox, and bring on some of those good surprises!

Sincerely,
me