Two Years

Two years ago today, I first laid eyes on my daughter's face.  She was perfect, and tiny, and looked so lost and sad.  I longed to hold her, to hear her laugh, and to feel her in my arms.  Tonight, we spent the evening watering flowers in the yard.  She laughed, she ran, she danced, she said "mama I luv you", and my heart was full to over-flowing.  I still can't believe that this amazing child, with the dimpled smile, perfect curls, and beautiful voice is my daughter.  What a humble blessing to be the one to hear her laugh, share in her smiles, and return her sticky kisses.  It is so very bittersweet.  I love this child heart and soul, and I know there is a family on the other side of the world who would give anything to know the wonderful little girl she has become.  So on this referral-versary, I pray that God gives them peace in their hearts.  Peace in knowing she is thriving, and happy, and so incredibly loved. 

Happy

I am.  Happy that is.  It is a pretty wonderful feeling.  Here's why:

The little black cloud over my head blew away.

Heard James Taylor and Carole King in concert last night...wow!

 Planted my gardens and cleaned my front porch.

 Summer is almost here. 

I have a job I can't wait to start.

I got to paint Meron's toes pink while sipping lemonade on the porch.
 
 Today I get coffee with a girlfiend

Another girlfriend is picking up her sons in Ethiopia soon.

I am blessed and God is good.

T.A.D.

My mother in law coined this perfect phrase....Turn Around Day.  That is what yesterday was.  In the morning, I said goodbye to my preschoolers, closed the final chapter of my failed business and created scenarios in my mind of 1 million different what if's.  By 8:30 last night, I had a new job, a salary, an office, and the need for someone to pinch me.   This feels like the biggest cosmic do-over ever.  The tunnel has been so long and dark for such a long time, that finally emerging into the light is taking a little adjusting!  Or maybe a lot of adjusting.  I feel like I have maybe finally come into my authentic self...or at least gotten much closer to the center!  It is all so much of a wow.

Faith is a funny thing.  All along, I have trusted that God had a plan.  From the moment I felt the call to ministry, God has put things in place that, while not easy,  have gotten me to where I longed to be.  And yet, while I trusted,  when I let MY mind and MY need for control take over, I was met with huge doubts and frustrations galore.  I think that was God's way of saying shut up and trust child.  I am in charge, we'll get there together.  And here we are, arriving at this call together.  My faith in God is steadfast and  my faith in myself is being restored. 

So June 8th, I begin this new path.  Changes will have to happen at home, a little sharing of duties, streamlining of routines.  But mama will be happy.  And when mama is happy, everyone is happy. And everyone is breathing a huge sigh of relief, and everyone is dancing in the glory of God! 

And so it begins....

What a wonderful weekend. Just coming off the musical Children's Letters to God at church.  I was the vocal director and it was wonderful.  I missed doing theatre soo much!  We had a cast of about 35 8-18 year olds.  What a blessing they all were.  J-dog had a leading role and was amazing, I was so proud.  Z-man had several parts and rocked everyone of them. (and B was a superstar usher!!)  It was an exhausting, uplifting, wonderful weekend.  And now the week begins.

This week is looking very much like the last chapter of a really well written novel, where all the ends get tied up and  the heroine emerges a better person who has grown and changed and truly come into herself.  At least that is how I would like to write this week. 

Tomorrow begins the end of the preschool year.  We will "graduate" 26 cherubs tomorrow and 20 on Tuesday.  Then it's class picnics and goodbyes.  I. am.so.ready!  I am not sure whether I will be back in the fall.  It really does feel like the last chapter.

 Tomorrow night, I interview.   For the job that makes me feel the most like me.  For the job that 2 years ago, over coffee with great girlfriends, I tearfully said, I would give up the shop in a heartbeat to be back in that position.  And the job I now find myself an interview away from. 

There are a few other ends that will hopefully find resolution this week.   Ends that I would not have chosen along my path, nor am proud of, but experiences that have taught me a lot about the cost of dreaming, the strength of my character, and made me appreciate all that I do have.  Not going to say anymore, except that some of life's lessons are bitter pills to swallow, but God always has your back and things are better on the other side.

So it is a weeks of endings and hopefully beginnings.  I am so ready to start a new ride, in a new direction.  May it be so!

I Really Am Still Alive

Don't faint dead away.  Yes, this is a new post from me...I am alive.  Lets just say it's been a very long winter and a very long many months for that matter.  Lots of soul searching, deciding who I want to be, where I want to be etc.   Lots of financial issues from a failed business, lots of baggage of both the emotional and"stuff" kind from a failed business...so the last several months have been all about trying to keep my head above water.

In March, I fell and broke my elbow and ended up with surgery and a long recovery.  I must say that the 10 minutes I have gotten to spend twice a week, laying in the PT's office, in total peace and quiet with a heat pack on my elbow have begun to cure what ailed me.  God and I have had a few chats, I have had a few chats with myself, and as spring is blossoming, I finally feel like I might be seeing a little light at the end of this long tunnel.

The kids are all doing well.  Thriving really.  Miss Sassy is amazing.  I can't believe it have only been a year and a half since she came to our family.  She is our sunshine and I can't imagine life without her.  She is quite the little mother.  Lots of babies, snuggling etc.  True joy.  J-dog is just big.  Tall, lanky, and amazing.  Love hanging out with him and watching him come into his own.  Z-man is doing pretty good.  Getting more and more comfortable in his own skin.  If all the people had even as ounce of the compassion and empathy he carries in his young soul, the world would be a better place!  B just continues to hammer on through life!  Exhuberant doesn't begin to describe him.  He keeps us laughing that one.

As for me, I have a job interview sometime in the next few weeks for my dream job.  I am guardedly excited.  A little once bitten, twice shy.  But excited...the possibilities are soo exciting.

So that is life in a nutshell.  I really am going to try and start writing more again.  It is good for my soul!