Big, Fat, and Fluffy

No that is not a description of myself....it is of the beautiful snowflakes that are falling outside my window right now.  It is the first pretty snow of the season and it is beautiful.  I know I have been gone from the cyber world for a while.  There has been an awful lot on my plate.  We continued with illness for way too long.  We hit 48 days of having someone home sick.  Then we got Thanksgiving break.  Then we got strep...it feels a little never ending.  Today, everyone was in their proper place, I am holding out a little hope that tomorrow might bring the same. 

The snow tonight has put me in a very reflective mood.  It seems fresh and full of hope, magical.  I definitely needed a little of this in my life.  I am hoping and praying that we too are entering a time of fresh hope and even a little magic.  It has been a really long journey to this point.  The journey to Meron was so wonderful and getting her here and gathering her into our lives was all I hoped for and more, but I never got a chance to catch my breath after that moment.  It was right back into the grind and dealing with a failing small business, financial disaster, four kids etc etc.  Selling the business this summer helped, but left me in a place of wandering...wondering who I am and where I am going and trying to figure out what matters most to me.  My family comes first, but I have learned that in order to give to them fully, my cup has to be full too.  How do I fill my cup right now?  That is the question at the forefront of my mind.  I know that I am not one to just be content with the status quo.  I need to be challenged, to create, to work for good, to dream.  There is a chance that opportunity is on the horizon.  I want to hope, to dream, to pray...but it is a little scary.  I don't want to be let down.  I want my cup to be filled and I think this is the direction I am being called in...but sometimes it is hard to discern God's voice from my own.  So I am going to try to be open, to let hope, and magic, and fear swirl around together to fill my cup.   It's not about adding more people or animals or things in my life...it is about filling my heart, growing in a new direction, being passionate about something again, and getting a chance to start fresh, catch my breath, and finally relax into a true smile.  

I'll update you on all the kids soon, I promise...there are lots of stories to tell.  I just need to fill my cup a bit first!